None The Wiser

Oh Dusk, you're shaking me, with your weak eyes dark
with the tears I've always swallowed stuck in my throat,
with my spirit emptied out with my body worn & hollow
In dusk I am briefly silenced & you are strangely shallow

I will only start to shake moments before the ones that matter
just before you turn to walk away & long before you made your mind up
you're an empty bed of lies but not on your best day if I'm honest
I only shake under the table, I only cry alone on the alter

If you had my eyes you wouldn't see love as your warzone
If I had your life I wouldn't understand the tough parts
you become yourself when you first think of someone else
if you have my eyes again, we will both be old and wiser

And Dark, if you ever come, if dusk ever opens
Take me in your hands and remind me how I know you
I am only wise where I let myself surrender
Light completes when dusk & dawn both birth & grieve the circle

unexpected lull

Sometimes I am so low I don't know how I let myself get here.
I need to sleep, I need to forget, I need to embrace things
By withdrawing I prolong the need, the repetition, the rotation
But there is no rotation, there's a pattern, but it's not moving
It's interesting in these valley's and lull's how bad news links together
And laces through, as imagination and reality race to outdo each other
In bad tiding's, in discomfort, in letters and memories. It just keeps going
Everything rises up and I won't sleep for days while it lays here, heavy on me





my immunity is low, 
I've spent a long time letting it deplete, 
letting you and every lying voice passing and in my head deplete it. 

the dark night of the soul & other types of sacrifice

I read once about the dark night of the soul
In some cases I think the dark night is bound with the soul
And only in hope's continual breaking 
will you ever reach thru the dark to the surface
Some ties are meant to bind and some ties...
that we think will steady really pull us under & over
I shuddered to break those ties, but too often they weaken me
I don't claim to be anything more or less than you
And I see each human as an equal until character proves them...
Nothing in me wants to harm you but I have to live by rules I set
though I am only now learning what it means to fully enforce them... in my self

This day is not a safe place for me
In trial and questioning
In inner thoughts & sanctums
Doubt (ing)
Hope (ing)
Grieving


This day is not a safe place. 
Neither am I safe in it. 
From anything 
I run from, 
I run to, 
I run with.


This night inside my heart 
Partakes my minds endlessness
In every need 
I have,
I haven't, 
I won't meet


Don't ask me how or where
this mean street meets me
Just between
My love, 
My hate, 
And their sameness


You are their sameness
I am my own half enemy
In heaven and earth
In distance
In silence
Inquiry