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Showing posts with label hope. Show all posts
Showing posts with label hope. Show all posts
less of that
Remember how I was writing long, borderline sermonizing journalistic type blog's? I'm probably too busy for that this week. But I wish I wasn't because I am a swarm of emotion. Not overwhelmed, dramatic emotion. Just deep introspective, heart shifting emotion. Some of it can't be written but most of it is well fertilized preparation for a story or 2 or 3. Stories of disappointment, transition, love, broken hearted romance, facing your past and finding healing or hurt, forgiveness, anxiety, proving yourself, and mostly learning to trust God. The stories will keep but my work before leaving on tour won't so be prepared for one liners or two this week and maybe say a little prayer for me if you think of it.
over-achiever
In my spare time I'm an acrobat, flipping, bending & sliding through my emotions
Usually hoping to change them, while they churn me, while I toss and turn
Another night, another dreamless wake, another stark contrast to hope
Your own mind creates a more tiring maze than anyone else made you
I'm not ashamed but I may be asleep, when you get this, when you answer
The truth may be cut up and turned into an envelope, it won't have to be sent
I won't need to be spent, won't need to tell you, you're the only one who owes me
Who owns me, who broke me, who spent me, who used me, who crushed me, who had me.
Who had me, who held me, who turned me and tried me world without end Amen
And again till death do us part, til death do us wake, till death do us... don't.
And for all the love and the being had, I don't think we ever got past what you wanted
Just like you skipped that in pre-school & other areas of early childhood development
I wish I had skipped a few of those gifted and special classes
and what intuition forced on me, on the chosen few, the smart ones, the old young ones
Who know better than what they feel, and who think better than some machines
And who endlessly, tirelessly, anxiously, methodically, addictively, analytically, passionately wish that they didn't.
Those still looking, there's hope for our lost souls, hope for the ones that took the detour right after you let your heart decide when you've always known your head was right.
There is a salve, a healing, mending, effervescent peace, but be forewarned,
It passes all understanding, so unlike you thought, the intellectuals don't always finish first
Usually hoping to change them, while they churn me, while I toss and turn
Another night, another dreamless wake, another stark contrast to hope
Your own mind creates a more tiring maze than anyone else made you
I'm not ashamed but I may be asleep, when you get this, when you answer
The truth may be cut up and turned into an envelope, it won't have to be sent
I won't need to be spent, won't need to tell you, you're the only one who owes me
Who owns me, who broke me, who spent me, who used me, who crushed me, who had me.
Who had me, who held me, who turned me and tried me world without end Amen
And again till death do us part, til death do us wake, till death do us... don't.
And for all the love and the being had, I don't think we ever got past what you wanted
Just like you skipped that in pre-school & other areas of early childhood development
I wish I had skipped a few of those gifted and special classes
and what intuition forced on me, on the chosen few, the smart ones, the old young ones
Who know better than what they feel, and who think better than some machines
And who endlessly, tirelessly, anxiously, methodically, addictively, analytically, passionately wish that they didn't.
Those still looking, there's hope for our lost souls, hope for the ones that took the detour right after you let your heart decide when you've always known your head was right.
There is a salve, a healing, mending, effervescent peace, but be forewarned,
It passes all understanding, so unlike you thought, the intellectuals don't always finish first
what's still in your pockets
My mind is not entirely dry.
I have something worth reading being written down on little napkins & all the other places I forget I write them
sometimes when I find these I want to kick myself for not stopping & seizing the moment in the way that it almost always needs to be seized and writing a full page or two instead of those three lines that I probably will never come back to the same.
My children, if I ever have them, may feel the same way or they may not.
I'm always sorry about these things though, the things I didn't do, didn't say, didn't finish and after I'm through being sorry for myself I'm sorry for everyone else. Not in vanity but just in a knowing way that has to admit it would have been worth it for me to stop everything else at the time and complete those things. Why didn't I speak the truth in love while I still could?
It's over now, they've come and gone, with their glorious moments, their hardships, the teary eyes, the upward battle, the almost in-expressible happinesses, the mountaintops, the valleys, the oppression, the falling, the beauty, the breathlessness of all of it. It's all done, but I... I am not. If the spark is in me, it remains. Everyday is a new chance for expression, empathy & creativity in communication, in footsteps, in how we touch the lives around us and what we leave behind.
Some things may be wasted, but there's always, always the new
I have something worth reading being written down on little napkins & all the other places I forget I write them
sometimes when I find these I want to kick myself for not stopping & seizing the moment in the way that it almost always needs to be seized and writing a full page or two instead of those three lines that I probably will never come back to the same.
My children, if I ever have them, may feel the same way or they may not.
I'm always sorry about these things though, the things I didn't do, didn't say, didn't finish and after I'm through being sorry for myself I'm sorry for everyone else. Not in vanity but just in a knowing way that has to admit it would have been worth it for me to stop everything else at the time and complete those things. Why didn't I speak the truth in love while I still could?
It's over now, they've come and gone, with their glorious moments, their hardships, the teary eyes, the upward battle, the almost in-expressible happinesses, the mountaintops, the valleys, the oppression, the falling, the beauty, the breathlessness of all of it. It's all done, but I... I am not. If the spark is in me, it remains. Everyday is a new chance for expression, empathy & creativity in communication, in footsteps, in how we touch the lives around us and what we leave behind.
Some things may be wasted, but there's always, always the new
the dark night of the soul & other types of sacrifice
I read once about the dark night of the soul
In some cases I think the dark night is bound with the soul
And only in hope's continual breaking
will you ever reach thru the dark to the surface
Some ties are meant to bind and some ties...
that we think will steady really pull us under & over
I shuddered to break those ties, but too often they weaken me
I don't claim to be anything more or less than you
And I see each human as an equal until character proves them...
Nothing in me wants to harm you but I have to live by rules I set
though I am only now learning what it means to fully enforce them... in my self
In some cases I think the dark night is bound with the soul
And only in hope's continual breaking
will you ever reach thru the dark to the surface
Some ties are meant to bind and some ties...
that we think will steady really pull us under & over
I shuddered to break those ties, but too often they weaken me
I don't claim to be anything more or less than you
And I see each human as an equal until character proves them...
Nothing in me wants to harm you but I have to live by rules I set
though I am only now learning what it means to fully enforce them... in my self
This day is not a safe place for me
In trial and questioning
In inner thoughts & sanctums
Doubt (ing)
Hope (ing)
Grieving
This day is not a safe place.
Neither am I safe in it.
From anything
I run from,
I run to,
I run with.
This night inside my heart
Partakes my minds endlessness
In every need
I have,
I haven't,
I won't meet
Don't ask me how or where
this mean street meets me
Just between
My love,
My hate,
And their sameness
You are their sameness
I am my own half enemy
In heaven and earth
In distance
In silence
Inquiry
In trial and questioning
In inner thoughts & sanctums
Doubt (ing)
Hope (ing)
Grieving
This day is not a safe place.
Neither am I safe in it.
From anything
I run from,
I run to,
I run with.
This night inside my heart
Partakes my minds endlessness
In every need
I have,
I haven't,
I won't meet
Don't ask me how or where
this mean street meets me
Just between
My love,
My hate,
And their sameness
You are their sameness
I am my own half enemy
In heaven and earth
In distance
In silence
Inquiry
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