I just found this picture from this Summer.
The expression on my face sums it all up somewhere between complete knowing & bewilderment

This was probably a high point of my year, way out in Sturgis, SD.  This August was such a stark contrast to last year's August. I could almost feel myself healing, but only by degrees. No, it' wasn't so much healing as just getting stronger, or maybe getting to know my strength, I think that's more like it. Trying it on, getting more comfortable in my own self, or own skin or what have you. I'm not bitter, I know I've survived & even though there's an unmoving tear inside me, I feel God trusting me, I can feel trust in myself forming. Not to the point of being overly self assured, but just enough to feel alive again. Just enough to heal the places where judgment & cynicism had torn me. Enough to make me realize deep in my being that trying to point out someone elses weaknesses will never make you stronger & disproving someone else will not prove who you are. When you get to know yourself better you'll know these things.