Tonight I'm a distant star amid a crashed honorarium and twilights golden lies,
don't judge me. Don't count me out and don't, don't ask me again, if I've spoken to him.
pretend we were young and it wasn't your fault, it wasn't mine
it was all in the time and diluted moonlight, sometimes.
I'm not sorry and you're not stubborn and someday I will
"just stop regretting & be happy for the time I had with you" but I won't
don't be ashamed, but don't be awake either one
of us is stolen, the other is still and no one
between us could drive us further than we chauffeured our self
I will be the lamp post to anchor your hours,
you be the dirt for my bankrupt garden
In the empty mass of the could be tomorrows,
I would make more sobering vows
:::::::::: :::::::: ::::::::::
And if there's things I miss I won't admit it,
if they start with him they have no ending,
Don't ask how he stole my answers,
I'm on a hard earned quest for indifference
:: :: :: :: :: :: :: :: :: :: :: ::
I just found this picture from this Summer.
The expression on my face sums it all up somewhere between complete knowing & bewilderment
This was probably a high point of my year, way out in Sturgis, SD. This August was such a stark contrast to last year's August. I could almost feel myself healing, but only by degrees. No, it' wasn't so much healing as just getting stronger, or maybe getting to know my strength, I think that's more like it. Trying it on, getting more comfortable in my own self, or own skin or what have you. I'm not bitter, I know I've survived & even though there's an unmoving tear inside me, I feel God trusting me, I can feel trust in myself forming. Not to the point of being overly self assured, but just enough to feel alive again. Just enough to heal the places where judgment & cynicism had torn me. Enough to make me realize deep in my being that trying to point out someone elses weaknesses will never make you stronger & disproving someone else will not prove who you are. When you get to know yourself better you'll know these things.
The expression on my face sums it all up somewhere between complete knowing & bewilderment
This was probably a high point of my year, way out in Sturgis, SD. This August was such a stark contrast to last year's August. I could almost feel myself healing, but only by degrees. No, it' wasn't so much healing as just getting stronger, or maybe getting to know my strength, I think that's more like it. Trying it on, getting more comfortable in my own self, or own skin or what have you. I'm not bitter, I know I've survived & even though there's an unmoving tear inside me, I feel God trusting me, I can feel trust in myself forming. Not to the point of being overly self assured, but just enough to feel alive again. Just enough to heal the places where judgment & cynicism had torn me. Enough to make me realize deep in my being that trying to point out someone elses weaknesses will never make you stronger & disproving someone else will not prove who you are. When you get to know yourself better you'll know these things.
All those sacred things you left me
Boy I just went out and burned them
in my backyard with a torch
two torches made of background and medium
It didn't heal my pain, it didn't cleanse my palette
We wrote too much, that's why we knew too much
I never meant to hurt you, you never meant to help me
And neither one of us knew the costs of being selfless
Boy I just went out and burned them
in my backyard with a torch
two torches made of background and medium
It didn't heal my pain, it didn't cleanse my palette
We wrote too much, that's why we knew too much
I never meant to hurt you, you never meant to help me
And neither one of us knew the costs of being selfless
December's First
Hello December First, it took this long to say that he is gone
A full two years to finally say it may be over
After all you were young, after all this time I'm old
And you can never be a man for me, a man without a Father
This last week of November was a a bitter dose of memory I'm sure I didn't need
At least I know myself again enough to read the truth, the lies you fed me, the months you starved
the years of emotion and places you never loved me, places you never went to
Wearing October on my sleeve with a heart still broken, bruised with tearing screams
That pull me over even in my sleep I wish I could wake myself to dream again
Healing takes too long where you break me in untouched places
Goodbye September's sweet glow you'll never be what you could've been
A birth, a life, a binding tie that lasts till death do part...
From me to you, love may not be better lost
I lost my love, lost my friend... I hope you lost what I'll call innocence
A full two years to finally say it may be over
After all you were young, after all this time I'm old
And you can never be a man for me, a man without a Father
This last week of November was a a bitter dose of memory I'm sure I didn't need
At least I know myself again enough to read the truth, the lies you fed me, the months you starved
the years of emotion and places you never loved me, places you never went to
Wearing October on my sleeve with a heart still broken, bruised with tearing screams
That pull me over even in my sleep I wish I could wake myself to dream again
Healing takes too long where you break me in untouched places
Goodbye September's sweet glow you'll never be what you could've been
A birth, a life, a binding tie that lasts till death do part...
From me to you, love may not be better lost
I lost my love, lost my friend... I hope you lost what I'll call innocence
I just need to say I love the first day's of December because ::
Christmas really starts now
Christmas is almost hereEverything is new and everything that's ending now will start again soon
I'm getting better
Eggnog is in season
No one can tell me not to play Christmas music
And I just finished getting more time with my family than I've had all year
Hello little blog, I don't know if anyone else reads you but me, but I just want to say I miss you when I don't write. I miss myself when I don't write enough and if you only knew all the things that happened on those days in between, you'd probably appreciate me more... And stop blaming me for getting distracted :)
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